On appearing in the Time Out Singles Issue. No, really!

Yesterday I went into the Time Out New York offices to get my picture taken…for the May Singles Issue.  You know, when they fill the magazine’s pages with lots of pictures of single people and you can write in to contact them?  I think it hits the stands the last week in May.

 

A friend works at Time Out and asked a few months ago if I might like to be in the Valentine’s Day Singles Issue.  It seemed like one of those things you should just say yes to without necessarily weighing the consequences, so that is exactly what I did.  Low and behold, I was waitlisted until May because there were too many straight single women who applied, and they had to go out and hunt up men in the streets.  This piece of information is almost too alarming for me to contemplate, so let’s just keep moving, shall we?

The last two days have been a flurry of writing up the short profile that will appear online next to my picture, and it was a truly fascinating process.  Rachel actually had the honor of coming up with draft one, which was then revised and batted around via e-mail among a sprinkling of friends: men, women, gay, straight, in between, everybody was part of the fun. 

 

The women almost universally approved of what I/Rachel had written.  One lesbian, “fell in love” with me.  That seemed like a good sign…sort of.  A few of the men thought it was “too aggressive” or, as one friend wrote, “too deep.”  He followed this by writing, “but I am so, so shallow.”

 

I could comment on this, but I won’t.

 

The biggest question by far was how to negotiate my Christian-ness, and what’s more, my minister-ness while, as I put it, “scaring away the scary Christians while not scaring away the non-Christians.”  There were a variety of perspectives on this matter ranging from “fly your freak flag,” offered helpfully by Rachel, to “be honest about what you do, but just mention it and move on,” to a set of blunt and practically-minded, bullet-pointed suggestions from my buddy Jeff:

 

 - You sound REALLY serious, more serious than you are; don't forget that you like silly cat videos on youtube (don't tell people that). 

- Remember that every dude out there who is not Christian assumes that if he dates a Christian girl, she is going to try to convert him.  EVERY one of them.  Including me.  You have to be very careful to let folks know that you are not trying to convert them.  [side note: this had literally NEVER occurred to me.  I can’t even imagine that anyone would ever think that I would want to convert them!  Even more to worry about!]

-You need to tip us dudes off that you like shagging.  Find a creative way.  You don't have to come across as a whore, we just want to know that when we finally get you naked…[we’ll just cut things off right there, I think.]

 

Well said, Jeff.  We never said we loved you for your subtlety. 

 

 

The point is…well…what is the point?

 

There’s a number of reflections I might offer from a variety of perspectives on all of this, the first stage of this terrifying process (and the magazine isn’t even out yet!) but I think the most salient point is this:

 

Jeff’s comments make it abundantly clear just how firmly engrained in our culture it is that religion (especially Christianity) and sex apparently do not go together.  Of course, the church has done plenty throughout the ages to plant and uphold this conception, and continues to do so straight into the present.  The thing about it is, it’s a complete and total fallacy.  The ties between sexuality and the experience of the divine are strong and clear, and show up everywhere from Madonna:

 

When you call my name

it’s like a little prayer

I’m down on my knees

I want to take you there

 

to Leonard Cohen:

 

And remember when I moved in you

The holy dove was moving too

And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

 

to Good Ole’ Baptist Hymns:

 

Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me

 

To the Old Testament:

 

As an apple tree among the trees of the wood,

   so is my beloved among young men.

With great delight I sat in his shadow,

   and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

He brought me to the banqueting house,

   and his intention towards me was love.

 

to the Gospels:

 

Abide in me, and I shall abide in you.

 

 

Sex is intimate and dangerous.  It can offer us an opportunity to look straight into the face of God.  So no wonder it scares us.  No wonder we do anything we can to fence it off, to control it, to monitor or neuter it.  It’s untamable and gorgeous.  It is dynamic and essential.  It is the source of life and the expression of love, or too often of violence.  It is both the raw, unprocessed ore of our humanity and the umbilical thread that links us to the divine. 

 

So yes, to make it very clear for those of you viewing my profile in Time Out New York this month, I do like shagging.  I like it quite a bit.

Comments

[Littlestcabbage]

"I can’t even imagine that anyone would ever think that I would want to convert them!"

This AMAZES me. I'm far less intensely involved in spirituality and the church than you are and this is ALWAYS a concern of mine.

[Littlestcabbage]

Er, to clarify, I'm always concerned that people (not even people I'm dating, just people I know) will think I'm trying to convert them.

[Emily Scott]

I guess I just always assumed that once people figured out I was progressive, they'd realize that not being interested in converting them was part of the deal. But I think that was wishful thinking, and assuming too much! It's so sad to me that there's so much convincing I have to do related to what I'm NOT, as opposed to what I actually AM!

[Rebica]

Thanks for writing this. I'll follow your blog from now on. I got here from my friend Rachel http://ahclarity.blogspot.com/

I'm married now but walked this particular tightrope when dating. Since NO. ONE. in the progressive church actually comes out and says that sex outside of marriage is OK, there is no chance that folks (either those who self-identify as Christian or not) will think that anyone who does self-identify likes shagging. Since NO. ONE. in the progressive church actually talks about reasonable sexual behavior, I'm trying to figure out what to teach my hypothetical children so they don't make the same mistakes I did because I was shaped by the Church's teachings.

Also, my younger brother still thinks I'm trying to convert him, even though my Jewish husband does not.

[Emily Scott]

Hi Rebica,

Glad you ran into me, and thanks for following! It's a difficult situation indeed, and I think you're right, that no one's willing to go out there on a limb and just talk about it. It's amazing how damaging no message at all can be. I'm dedicated to starting a conversation, so this is just the beginning. More to come!

And really, your brother??? Rough!

Emily